It’s been two weeks since I was last out, other than walking dogs and picking up click-and-collect groceries.
As a home office worker and mostly introvert, I haven’t really minded the isolation. I’ve spent more time talking with clients than I usually do and I make a point of reaching out to a friend or family member by phone every day. My adult kid is also home with me so I’m not totally without face-to-face human interaction and luckily we don’t mind either our own or each other’s company.
The past few days I have had trouble when I wake up. The oppression of a world of loss and stress and fear hovers outside my window, even as morning traffic does not seem to have let up during this period of business shutting down. It’s difficult to detach from the global consciousness of worry and navel-gazing that has resulted from this imposed introversion. People who have merrily gone through their entire lives being busy and making small talk, running to the grocery for every cup of sugar, making sure their children are busy four evenings a week, playing pickleball, are suddenly faced with their own thoughts and emotions, and I think they are the ones who are causing the conflagration of negativity out there because they don’t know how to self-soothe.
Those of us who are used to being on the sidelines – the children who don’t get to play in the sandbox, the teens who never get talked to at school, the coworkers who don’t get asked to lunch, the mothers who don’t get invited to the school mom’s dinners, the guys who never get to play weekly card games – we know how to handle our alone time. But those who have always been in the mix, the thick of things, the herd, the flow – it’s your turn to find out what it feels like to be alone. Now please: Google the word “mindfulness”, figure it out for yourself, and stop letting your angst ooze out on to my energy plane.
No one deserves what is happening but being with yourself is not a punishment or a deprivation.