Decision-making in The Time of COVID


I haven’t posted for a bit – went out to the country to stay a couple of nights at my mother’s former home; she passed away in Fall which even at her age of 94 felt like it was too soon but I am so glad she isn’t in personal care during COVID.  News flash – warehousing large numbers of elderly people under the care of poorly-paid untrained workers has resulted in high death toll – who knew?

Then I returned to the last 10 or so days of income tax preparation for clients and myself, the deadline having been extended in Canada due to COVID.

The time at the country home was not as strange as I expected; my mother has left the building.  I did not pick up on any of her energy which I hope means she is very busy with whom she called “her people”, the ones who went to the great beyond before her, however that might be taking place.

The return was stranger than I expected – lots of mixed messages from my own brain about whether I should semi-retire to this country residence while I plugged away at the last tax returns, my left and right brain working separately.  Lots of pros and not many cons whether I stay where I am or move, so no clear solution to something that is not a problem.  How to make a decision when both choices are pretty decent.

Enter COVID:  too many people are taking the relaxing of restrictions as a call to return to normal.  A friend told me about a trip to the home store which they described as a “free-for-all” panic-inducing experience – no disinfectant to be seen, no limit on the number of people going in the store, customers pawing the merchandise, and someone stopping to sneeze openly right in front of them – look ma – no hands!

Another friend had a panic attack in a greenhouse and has said, quite seriously, that they will never go anywhere again other than the neighborhood grocery.  In one day, several household commitments piled up and I had people from not one but four different bubbles come next to or into mine – all necessary, nice, and/or planned, but I can’t stop washing my hands since.  Never mind the blood, Lady M, I just want to get these germy-germs off!

I want to go back to the way it was when I felt somewhat safe.

So doing tax returns in the country is feeling like a very possible thing I may be doing in the future.  For people who are not feeling like everything is normal, COVID will have an enduring and possibly life-changing effect, as big decisions are made on the basis of how to live without the ever-present threat of panic-attacks, ventilators, and possible death.  I fear for the others and hope that I can avoid their bubbles.  All this premature relief that it is over is probably not warranted, and may result, at the least,  in serious illness with long-lasting respiratory and heart-related conditions.


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